I Was Number Two: Confessions of a Male Mistress

"We are the perfect lovers, we are not just in the perfect situation..."

These words still linger to my senses until now. Days after receiving this text message from him, I think I am finally ready to let go. 

I admit, I was somebody's number two-- a male mistress in other words. I knew right from the start that he is already in a relationship. But what the heck, I got carried away by his kisses, his embrace, and his whispers of sweet nothings. What started out as a simple meet-up ended up as a 'forbidden' relationship.

Everything was so fast. We met and had a couple of beers. We were both joking around and teasing each other when he went for my lips.Ah, god, how I missed that! I haven't been kissed like this for a long time. It went on for a couple of minutes until I was already on his lap, lips still locked together. 

At the back of my head, I know what I was doing was wrong but I would be a hypocrite to say that I did not expect this to happen when we agreed to meet. I knew that he is already in a relationship but I still went on. The real reason as to why I agreed to meet in the first place was the thought of having sex again. Furthermore, he also looks like my first love (whom I have never gotten over with all this time). 

After the kissing came the expected. We transferred to his room and continued some more until things heated up. All of a sudden, we were without our clothes already. The kisses became more intense as every touch  became  passionate as well. I was happy. We were happy. 

That night, I slept in his arms-- something I have not done for a long time. I must say, it felt good, I liked that part more than the lovemaking itself. When morning came, I whispered him goodbye. He whispered back, saying, "don't go yet... i love you."

That was it. Fragile and gullible as I am, I believed that. 

As days passed by, we became lovers. We were each other's lalabs (corny, noh?).I was happy but never contented for some thoughts kept bothering me. At first, I became contented with his I Love Yous. Later on, my moral values engulfed me. I know what I was doing was wrong, so I had to stop.

I broke up with him a week ago through text, after consuming bottles of beer. I broke up with him because I don't want to hurt anyone. I broke up with him for myself-- I am better than being a number two. I broke up with him because thoughts that he may also become unfaithful to me always come inside my head. I broke up with him because it is simply the right thing to do. It hurts, I know, but it must be done.

I remained tough regardless of his begging for me to come back. I did not want him to choose between me and his partner for I was afraid I will might lose if I did. They have been together for two years, while we have only been together for two months. I certainly do not want to ruin what they already have. Call me stupid or a martyr, but believe me, I only did that for love.

Today, I just received a message from him asking me if I am still awake. I did not reply. I really must be getting over him already. This is a good sign. :) 

(this is just a draft. will edit in the morning...)