For You, W....

I don’t know how to start. I don’t even know what to say. But I think it is time for you to finally know how I truly feel. I guess it is time for you to realize the trance you have put me under since I have fallen for you. I know I have to somehow put an end to this feeling that had taken control of my life already.

I don’t know how you will take it, but I have to let it out: I love you.

For more than a year now, I have been in the shadows loving you in silence. And it hurts like hell. I feel like a criminal in hiding, where in fact, all I could be held accountable for is loving someone I can’t have– loving you.

Ah. I can still remember how you caught me off guard. You just smiled and broken down my barriers. With your stare, I lost control and yielded. You touched me and I was yours. You have defied my standards, rewrote them, and made them your own.

Since then, the feeling I had for you grew stronger. Day by day by day, I seem to dig deeper and deeper into the pit I have fallen into. My emotions have both become a curse and a blessing for me.

Since then, the pain that goes with loving you had also intensified. My heart would scream out in pain every time I am with you. I would be happy but it will soon be replaced with hurtful realizations afterwards that I can’t have you.

I know, I shouldn’t really love you, but what can I do, I fell hard for you. I must say it was all your fault for you have pushed me too hard– now I can’t get up.

At first,  I couldn’t tell you how I feel  for I can’t. I couldn’t tell you because I shouldn’t,  knowing that you love another.

I guess I would have to be contented in loving you in the shadows. I guess I would have to be contented just watching you smile though I know those are not for me. I guess I would have to be contented to see your eyes though it is not me they are looking at. I guess I would have to be contented and happy being just your friend for I know it is all we could ever be.

But I am just human. I guess nobody could really blame me for wanting more. I guess it is not really a sin to hope, to dream, and to wish for you. Yes, dream, wish, and hope– these are I could do. That in my reality, you are mine and only mine.

Now that I have expressed what I have inside for you, all I am asking from you is a little understanding. If you should ignore this and walk away, I guess I would have to understand as well.

I love you and I can’t help it. I tried to stop it and move on but all I did was make a U-turn and returned to you. I guess I really couldn’t run away from this. All I have to do is face it– with all the pain included.